Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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