I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Quick, to the slutcave!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
