She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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