I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
