butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
