We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
