road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
