come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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