just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
