My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
