just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
