he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
