I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
