haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
