If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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