So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
