Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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