Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
