The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
