I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
