If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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