I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize