I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
