Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
