i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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