I'm really into asian looking animals
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
