I'm pants shitting drunk right now
birth control should be required to get into college
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
