So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
