I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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