I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
