Too much gin, very little bucket
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You need Xanax blowdarts
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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