you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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