Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
