Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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