I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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