I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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