It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
