Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
