I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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