First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did i walk over a car last night?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
