Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
