Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize