Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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