hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
