Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
