ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
