If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
