Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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