I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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