My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
