That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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