So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize