According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
