theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize