Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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