textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
