She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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