i just wanna soil my oats bro
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
