after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
