You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
