I'm really into asian looking animals
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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