My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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