you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
