i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
