i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
