There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
