dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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