if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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