"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
