He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
well you can't waste a boner
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
