Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
