I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
