Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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