I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize