from now on my penis is your penis
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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