dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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