Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
