i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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