I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
