is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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