I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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