I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
