What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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