Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize