dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
