I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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