real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
