aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
