can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
