So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
