Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Randomize
