he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
