I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
