i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
