he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
