So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
