I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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