sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
