he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
