You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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