He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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