help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
